Dina Made Her Decision: It is not to be me.

R: I know this email may mean nothing to you, but it does to me.
D: Wrong this means a lot to me.

Richard: THERE WE GO, I AM OUT OF THE PICTURE. YOU ARE ASKING GOD TO CHOSE THE MAN WHOM YOU TAKE INTO YOUR CONFIDENCE. WITH THIS STATEMENT, I LIE BLEEDING ON THE GROUND. A KNIFE IN THE HEART OF OUR RELATIONSHIP.

D: Richard my sponsor is a woman always has been and always will be a female

My comment: I wasn't talking about a sponsor, I was talking about her asking God to chose the man she wants to confide in.

R: YOU DID? I THOUGHT YOU SOUGHT AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE FROM ME. REMEMBER HOW MANY TIMES I ASKED YOU TO TAKE THE CONVERSATION A LITTLE DEEPER? AND YOU RAN (see Valentine's Day at the Ritz, where, on Sunday I tried to get a little deeper with you and you left the room, you were so not going to talk about yourself.)

D: As you now full see this is so very hard for me. Also your daughter was acting up at this time. Whenever she acted out it upset me that you were with me and I felt that you should have been with her. All of those weekends leaving her alone. That was a huge part of our relationship, like it or not.

My comment: All those weekends alone and my daughter was a huge part of the problem? My daughter did what she did. She would have done the things she did with me in San Francisco, or Los Gatos. I took care of my daughter's problems and now she is doing much better. I need Dina to trust that I know what I am doing with my daughter. This is my third child and I know what to do when problems arise and all of this had nothing to do with my seeing Dina. I tried to move the relationship forward by trying to live with her. This would have made things better by having Dina and I living together. Does she remember her comments, when I asked if she really wanted to sign the lease papers to live together? I said it was not like you to make your mind up so quickly. She said, "No, I have been thinking about this for months. I love you, Richard, and want to live with you.". That was not true. Relationships are affected by the lack of truth.
This is what I have been struggling in vain to tell her. The relationship became frozen at a level where she could not move forward because of issues she had. The living together decision affected me, Panda and her. I say, take responsibility for your actions. Or, as she says, take ownership. Follow your own advice. Not trying to be mean, just realistic and in reality.

R: C'mon Dina, give me a break here. You may talk to some people, but really personal informaton has come out more in the emails you have written since you broke up with me, than when we were together. You did not seek understanding from me. This is the second part of your 1-2 punch to write me off. If you doubt this, let's see if we ever get back together again. I say, this is the official break up and you are done with me. You tried to be done with me six times over the past nine months, but you have come up with a whopper this time. I say, I believe you got it, Watson!
D: I did not seek understanding from you as you are not alcoholic.

My comment: You wrote your response in a way that made it look like you were asking God for divine guidance to find a man. Those are her words. She has to own them. If she meant something else, she should have said it. Enough said.

D: "I e-mail you when I am not working and can pull it together. If that is notenough for you continue to assume that I do not keep my word." Baised upon your e-mails a phone call is useless. You can dancecircles around me as I try to open up. It is frustration. Today I am sober and working. This is important to me"

My comment: You have turned my world upside down. Yes, when we would talk in the past, I would try my best to help keep you grounded (Remember, you said you like being with me because I keep you grounded?). Well, that position of mine is all history. I just want to be your friend, listen to what is going in her life and, if I can be helpful, offer anything I can. We are no longer together. Dina and Richard are over. I won't talk to her the way I would when we were together now. I would love to speak with her to just have a pleasant, no emotion, conversation. I still love her, even if she has changed in the way she feels about me. I will be polite and very understanding, or just pleasant. As the situation calls for at the time. I would love to have her as a friend.

R: WELL NOW WE WILL NEVER KNOW BECAUSE YOU, AS SEEN IN YOR WRITING ABOVE, YOU HAVE CONVINCED YOURSELF TO LEAVE ME. AS YOU KNOW, WE MAKE OVER $100,000 A YEAR. THERE ARE NO CONCERNS ABOUT FOOD, GAS CARS AND TAKING CARE OF EVERYBODY. AS YOU KNOW, I WAS GOING TO GIVE YOU MY $3,000 PER MONTH THAT I CLEAR. AND MONEY I EARNED FROM REVENUE OPPORTUNITIES. C'MON DINA, YOU ARE SMARTER THAN THIS.
D: I would want to take care of you

My comment: But the point is, you stated who would take of us? Who would buy the cars, food, etc. My point was, and this gets to the heart of why I say you are still not understanding things clearly, we make enough money to make your comments irrelevant. We make enough and I will make more with my ventures. Maybe even enough to make you feel calm about the money/security issues she has been so concerned about so much. I hope she understands what I am saying.

R: WE WILL NEVER KNOW NOW, WILL WE? YOU ARE ONE CLEVER PERSON. YOU KNOW I TOLD YOU I AM NOT CLEVER. I TRIED TO TEACH YOU INTEGRITY, MORALS, CHARACTER AND ETHICS. YOU HAVE NONE OF THESE WITH WHAT YOU ARE WRITING TO ME IN THIS EMAIL. IT IS SHODDY AND POORLY PREPARED. THERE ARE HOLES ALL OVER IT. C'MON DINA, YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS, CAN'T YOU?
"I feel you to be my best friend, you who know me the best. I try to understand you yet my past experiences have taught me that sooneror later I would have a drink with you. And then, my life as I knew it would be over and reality would come crashing in.

D: "This is not a shoddy e-mail just an open discussion of what it is like to be

My comment: Dina's answer above is not a complete sentence, very appropriate to my point. The defense she is using to make her case is what I am saying makes no sense and was full of holes. I pointed them out and am glad to make it even clearer. This is just like all the other reasons (Panda may be pregnant by the time she is nineteen. Richard does not own a house.) that Dina has used to break us up. They don't make any sense to anyone except her.
All this time, she should have just said, "We need to break up and if we can get back together again, that will be then.". She never said that and, if she would have been honest, I would have been a lot less stressed. The ulgy Thursday would never have happened because I would have known we were broken up. I would not have had to guess, try to put all the clues together and make wrong assumptions. But Dina does not understand this.

R: You have developed a well-crafted way to get out of a relationship that you haven't wanted since August and the 'Leaving me for Bob' event. It has taken you a while and, granted, a lot of effort, but we are finished! I hope this makes you happy with what you have achieved. I am done. I can't take your lack of love and caring. I hope you feel free now to meet the man of your dreams. I just wish it had been me.

D: No man for now. Again tight in my shell.

My comment: This is what I have been asking for these nine months. If she just could have been truthful. But she couldn't and that is why the relationship is the way it is now. My words above stand strong. I knew she didn't want me any longer. I just wanted her to say it and now, at long last, she has. I am off to greener pastures where the woman who says she loves me doesn't hurt me, like this one did.

I learned a lot from being with Dina. She has made me a better man. I will always appreciate the effort she made on my behalf. One of the reasons I love her so much. I am so sorry it ended this way. I would have done anything to have it be different. But that is the way things are sometimes. You love and you are not loved back because of things in your significant other's head. I put my best effort forward and it wasn't enough.