Tne End of Dina and Richard

Here we go again, my email to Dina last Wednesday, June 3rd.

It appears you have a reason each day why you don't call. This is the third day in a row. It appears you don't want to have a call you agreed to. What is the problem, so I can understand and act accordingly.

And Dina's response:


I am going through a growth spurt. It happens in the spring when the moon is full.Communication is good when something needs to be said. Sometimes what isunsaid is the most important. Guess it is your turn to not understand that I do not understand your goals with me. My intention stays as I have been saying, build up reserves, get this #@%&*** job completed and then meet. You,will probably be married Dick, Jane


And my response:


As I have already said, an opportunity presented itself that you and I should talk about.

Try to call me when you can and want to.

I guess I am being cut off from communication with you, again.

Sign me,

Don't understand in San Francisco


And a second email to Dina from me:


As usual, you don't get it. I ask you to call and you email me again. Call you: clueless in Los Gatos.


And then this email from Dina, my responses are in italics next to her comment:


As usual, AS USUAL- you are right and I am wrong. No, it is not a case of right or wrong. It is a case of one person being consistent and doing what she says she is going to do.


I am the person who did not love you in the way you dreamed of being loved. I tried. No, it is not a case of being the person who did not love me the way I dreamed of, it is a case of showing any kind of love on any kind of consistent basis. And, no, she didn't try to do anything but what she wanted to do in her selfish way.


I like your lifestyle up to a point. My insecurity came in with dealing where to live and how to pay bills, I have said many times to Dina that we gross $120,000 between us, this is a non-point, being with your children, gifts from God and all veryintelligent.Herein lies the crux of the problem, Dina does not want to be a mother figure to Panda because she sees Panda as being' Pregnant By 19" and all that statement of her implies.


I am the one who hurt you so terribly gave you such Step Mom pain.Forgive me I apologize. I did have a younger brother who was very pamperedand always very jealous of him.I am the one who ruined your 10 months of misunderstanding and caused youto walk barefoot on hot coals of Hell and cry to all who would listen. Forgive ME! All of this does not matter, the only point is she has hurt me for almost a year and when does she stop? There is nothing above that addresses that. Because she apparently can't do it. Do you always get what you ask? I do not! Does life go as in your script in your head? Take what the other can give and give what you can. Is that so bad?Dina is not offering anything. Forget about take what she is giving because there is nothing. For you this was not enough demanding more, more, and still morenot fast enough, not deep enough, not the way you wanted at all, not slow enough, not generous enough. There never was faster, slower, deeper, there was only Dina making up artificial scenarios that she then treated like facts and rudely, meanly, heartlessly drove deep pain into me because of showing me any respect in any way for who I am and what I have done for her. I only tried to have a relationship that she wanted. I couldn't even do that. What is her point here? She has none. Just a bunch of blah-blah to cover up what she has done for 10 long excruciating months.

I have not bought a meal on a date sincemy Junior Year in high school. Be more intense, darling I am not an intense person.I am half shy and half go for it. And it is confusing.Your love supersedes your ability to support it in the real world. Again, nothing here of consequence. Our dream world was fantastic. It was not a dream world, it was the reality we lived in and it was wonderful while Dina was stabile. Then everything went crazy for 10 months. See, I keep writing the same things over and over again because Dina has nothing new to run out as to what she is doing and what she means to do in regards to us. SOSDD (Same Old Shit, Different Day).

Lying-sleeping in your arm the very best!Richard, I do hope your ship comes in. I would love to see you in that penthouse watching the ships come in the bay. I could be next to you cooking up some exotic soul food.The second key part of the puzzle, If I get the money, then I can support her in the lifestyle she is seeking. If not, as I have said in previous blogs, it is hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more. I was staying away to feel how it would be without you.What the hell for? I thought when someone is the love of your life, as she has said and I have written about many times, you want to be with them. What is in this woman's brain? Nothing I can understand.

You are an actor and you can not help that. You do like drama and expressing emotionat any given second. I seem to have to analyze these This forced you into seeking friends family who all agree that Dina is the demonand you are the saint. I see it now. The only thing she is doing here is convincing herself she didn't hurt me. Nobocy thinks Dina is the demon or I the saint, apparently except Dina.

No one is all wrong nor is one always right.We are human we make mistakes. Some of us even try as hard as we can andstill end up sounding like children unable to grow at the set time out of patterned behavior.Call me Laughing in Los Gatos.I will not call you again over our lost affair however I would love to be able to call ande-mail about our lives and as we both have insight we could continue to help each other? There it is, the 'Breakup'. She does not want to be with me romantically. Only be there for her if she needs advice. Is that too much to ask? This was written on June 3rd, on June 4th she said she loved me madly and wanted to live with me for the whole summer to see if we could get along and get married. Need I say anymore? By Saturday, June 6th, she had talked us out of being together and then reversed that position on Sunday, June 7th, and wanted to be with me again. On Monday, 8th, she convinced me we had nothing and I broke up with her. How does anything she is writing here make any sense when you see what she does, not listening to what she writes because they are not one and the same; hence the crazingess of being with Dina at this time in her life. I haven't got the money and I need to go. That is the essence of Dina. It is not about her love of you, it is about how much money you have to make her feel secure in her old age. Done.

If it is too upsetting let's not do it or let'sstop.We both have been through a lot of hurt and change and learning tho I can only speak for myself. But not just all about you...And I would love to sing some more!Please do not add this to blog. I am very uncomfortable with being there. I understand why you went there as I was not there (here). I am glad to have gotten you onto path of keeping"tidied" up as gran would say. Removing the wreckage of your past to allow the goodness of the momentto come in. Taking the best care of family, family first. And you know that was hard, very hardfor me to see young one suffering and struggling. And to be in your bed with all of Julie's paperwork under was not a bit of fun.Do you understand growth spurt? As usual it is so much easier to write what I am feelingthan to talk. However, it is getting easier.Clue me inLos Gatos, with beautiful flowers
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