What It Is Now and Will Stay

I believe in You

Things remain the same for me, even though you have inexplicably cut all communication between us, again. My faith, belief, trust and hope in you is as it always has been: unshakable. I won’t go through all the reasons why I believe in you, you have too many emails describing the wonder of Dina. I think that I believe in you, but you believe that you are not what I see you are. That is why you cling to Bob and the desperation you feel that Bob is the success you will achieve. A fatal loss of belief in yourself and what you could have achieved...All in the name of money.

I believe in Us

My belief in the success of us remains unshaken: we are a pair of AKMFers. Failure will fall away from us. Tonight, I was invited to apply to be an Executive in Residence at the Plug and Play Tech Center, a incubator for startups. Chuck Boggs, the VC at ZenCache, is partnering with me to raise capital via his contacts, i.e. the CIO at Stanford and C-level management at Cisco. Thar’s gold in thar hills! I will succeed and I would have liked you by my side when I did, but you have to start believing in yourself and in us. I feel so foolish when I write these words. You have left me for money. In the time we have been together, I have never felt you have left me so completely as I feel you have now. The pain and anguish rents my soul.

Me

I have focused again on what made me what I have been: successful. All recreationals are out of my life. I have refocused on my diet, exercise and stretching. My mind is clear and focused. I have gone back to my basics. It will make me the winner I am and have been.

You

? All question marks. You are so focused on your financial security you have given up who you are for the almighty dollar. What is left but an empty shell of a person? Who you once were. I don’t know you anymore because you have transformed into God knows what. I hope you and Bob are happy. You have either succumbed to his wishes and jealousies, or you have succumbed to AA and, in trying to rid yourself of co-dependency and co-enabling, have lost yourself. I know you think you have found yourself. You think you will be happy. I would disagree, but who am I? Just a person who was not worth enough to you to become who you are and could be. You lost you. I hope you are happy. I hope you find a way to live with yourself when you took a second best life. And may be not even that.

Us

Gone.

Faith, Hope, Trust, Belief, Honesty, Integrity, Ethics, Loyalty, Character…All just words now to you. I thought they may have came to have meant something to you...No More.

I know you are gone from me and we are no more. God help you...And me.

God helps dumb animals, little children and people like me.

Dina Is Up To Something

Dina spoke with me four times last weekend. She told me she loved me and when asked, she said to marry me, I had to make the money. Then, before she cut me off from all communication, she sent me an email saying she was having power struggles with Bob. She said she wasn't having fun because she wasn't seeing me. Then she wrote she didn't see how we could work out. She said she didn't want to have me come down unannounced because she was afraid she would get upset and run away. She thinks I am such a strong force to her it is like I create magic when she sees me. There has not been any communication since then. Her phone has been off and she has sent no emails, nor has she responded to anything I have sent her. She is doing something. God knows what. I will probably hear something desparaging shortly. Maybe her and Bob are finally getting together. Maybe she is finally getting close to the money. This sickening. I so wish I had noy met this woman.