False Alarm: And Now The Family Is Affected

Before I start with this evening's topic, I want to note Dina's reply to my telling her I had to let go entirely. She really has control now.

If she doesn't come back to me, she really doesn't love me,

or her problems are so deep, she can't love me.

Either way, a wonderful relationship has been lost here.

I feel like having a ceremony for what has been lost,

because it is noteworthy:

we could have had a really great time togerher

and just loved each other for all time.

Crying.

_______________________________________

She said the serenity prayer,

"Richard, Just sat down at desk.
Going all day.
Wow.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
and courage to change the things that I can."
Dina

Why did she say this? She controls the relationship.

There is no accepting the things she can't change

Because she controls the relationship.

We could be back together tomorrow,

If she wanted to

But she wants the relationship this way

And that is why her serenity prayer is

just utter nonsense.

It is another example of Dina saying someting that is not true.

I take the action she wouldn't, ending anything between us

And this is what she has to say?

just a bland statement that is not true?

She can represent herself the way she wants,

and others can perceive her words in the way they think she is really saying them.

I think this is all bad, for her and for me.

She is dragging us out, as she has, and it will end,

Just because of the length of time and the irritationn felt by all involved.

She ends our sicteen months together by not doing something at the end to save it.

That is because she wants the relationshiop to end.

She just doesn't want to be blamed for the ending of the relationship.

Me?

I am mortified. There aren't words to express how she makes me feel with her words.

But that is my lot in life, Lalania.

________________________________________

(I initially thought the below happend, as far as Panda being missing. Turns out I was wrong. She fell asleep by the heater in the living room and is now in her bed. But the impression talked about is still worth reading; hence the reason why it has been left in.).

I came home at 9:47 PM, to find Panda's bed empty. She was with Nissa and was being dropped off at the house around 8:15 PM. I spoke with Panda and told her to make sure she was home in bed by 9:00 PM.

She agreed.

Now I may have more problems than just a broken relationship.

The family, like my friends, have been running out of patience with my relationship, or lack thereof, and didn'thave spoken about not wanting to hear anymorel.

Panda told me to day she is sick of Dina because of the way she has been acting and the way she treated me. I didn''t explore that too far because Dina seems to have convinced herself to stay away, (see her "Tomorrow dear one". And no call or contact from her today. Maybe she sent the message to the wrong person and it was meant for somebody else.).

So, now I have no Dina and my daughter appears to be rebeling with her actions tonight.

Does the onslaught ever stop?

Am I supposed to be able to take anything that comes my way?

I feel like I am so egotistical because I miss Dina so much.

It doesn't look like a man who just loves his significant other,

It looks like an obsession that is affecting everyone around him.

My opinion is I am in this position because I have had to take action

That I took yesterday in telling Dina I can't take anymore of her indecision.

I wish I could have been told she loves me, or she doesn't love me.

That would have been the end.

But because I had to finally take the action on my own yesterday

After suffering through her problems with her for nine months

Just because she is manipulating me by trying to keep me on the hook

In case she needs me at some later date, (see her text atating she wants to get back with me in

November, and another email where she says, in a little while she wants to get together to talk

Aout our desires, including her desiring to have our love work out.).

So, being the person I am, who needs clear answers one way or the other,

And Dina being a person who is ambivalent, changes her mind all the time

And has not been able to let me go, (see her statement, 'Hard when someone loves you and you do not know how to love them back and cannot let them go', also, her statements about her work project ending in six months, and another time saying it ends in November, and that I am her man and she wants to get together then).

So, to handle the problems with the relationship right, I need to speak to noone" no family, no friends.

I have only the counseling help I get, and that is once a week.

Well, there you have it. Screwed, blued and tattoed, as they say.

I am miserable and the pain of all this is weighing heavily on me.