A New and Improved Dina: she opens up

Dear Strong Shoulder,

Watch out for those Mercedes drivers (I, Richard, was almost in an accident yesterday). Going off the anti d pills had me in a tizzy, getting better. You know that I am a very gentle soul. Some days I feel that I should be kicking back in a rocking chair with loads of grand children and an orange cat. I am upset. This is very disappointing with you know who and his empire. I do not like the way I am reacting, there is anger there and being on guard. A lost soul who is all alone. He is angry and confused, in a lot of physical pain, lying to himself and yet I am workfor him, trying to make it all better. It will never be. Especially after this last incident. My co worker is a lot like me and yet not so sensitive to this swirling craziness a black hole. I, of course need to step back and look for the good and what can become positive. Income better wishing for the security of a modest home, un mortgaged! Three of my friends were laid off in the last 3 weeks. Finally spoke to Anne. She is what family I have and a step Mom at that. All love and welcoming. Her advice is to take a couple of thousand dollars in coins and keep this handy as she feels more banks failing with so much $ being printed that inflation will take over. Our gov. is unhappy we did not pass foolish spending that he is making us angry and cutting what we like to do and suggesting that our safety will be in danger. The deceit. And us aged ones feeling this insecurity when we should be relaxing. Do not use this against me but I miss you terribly. Especially your touch. I force myself to remember that horrible Thursday when you were here and so intent on forcing me to do something I did not wish to do. I understand you're passion as well as I can, it is intense as the sting of the scorpion and I crawl into my shell licking the wounds. I feel like we pass the tears back and forth taking turns with crying and not acting like the adults that our bodies look like and we should be. But we are human and hurt. Salt cures everything be it sweat, tears or the sea. That is part of some ancient saying, I will get the name an ancient Greek. I am not sure where my favorite jeans are. I must walk today. Looking at protein powder but this might be the thing irritating my skin. Having office lows in the PM at office. Getting out for a walk when overwhelmed. Ode to Richard the Lionhearted, protector of women. Smelling like the open sea. Living each day to it's fullest, the God's smile at you, and will continue to you deserve to be content and have your soul satisfied and at rest. Your core being omits the caring person you are. Your morphing is so well intended, as I do this too is noticed. Though I am not with you in person my thoughts stray to your kindness and accepting but beware of the sting of the scorpion when he does not capture his prey. He will go up, down around to obtain her sting, sting, sting. If he is lucky she will succumb to the power of his venom, which of course is only meant to show lady love how serious he is in his caring. It is narcotic enticing. She dances and squeals with delight dancing in the heavens, laughing at all who dare to take this happiness from her. Do not despair, you are the knight on the horse women dream of, yet when presented with do not know what to do with. We danced for awhile, entwined loving, if only for that that I am a better person for knowing you. For I the mermaid must be off into the deep sea, Neptune calls and is angry that I have been away, he roars into my ears and again I dive deeper in the depths of the deepest ocean the darkest blue, like a night without stars resting my head on the cool seaweed sleeping dreamless sleep, not yet ready to be awakened. R that is about as close to writing down feelings and torment of this crazy time of life. Will it ever leave? I am working hard with sponsor but there is only so much the program has to offer and so very much I do on my own good morning D

And my two responses:

Thanks for writing this to me.

It makes me happy you still have any feeling for me.

I guess the point is, it is great you have feelings still for me,

You should be so proud of yourself for writing this. Your effort to reach out and touch me worked. You have never been able to do this before. Be proud!

You can use Thursday if you want to keep me out, but that is part of the problem. Someday, you will recognize what you do, with your steel-like paucity of words, the way disillusion creeps into those who care about you. Your behavior, which you will not take ownership, as you say, of. I was led to believe you were back with Bob, (even Bob said that on Thursday, I was not off when I thought you were with him).

I cashed in my checks you wrote me because thinking about the two of you bearing down on me, left me feeling empty and scrared. I was feeling, because of your way of making things look so confusing, that because the checks expired, you two would say, 'Your out of luck. You have lost the money". I see Bob being that vindicative. He is not a person who inspires confidence in his abillit to be nice, quite the opposite. Try to remember me kneeling by your car, asking you, "Is Bob your boyfriend?",after he said, "Dina is my girlfriend". This is right before he traps between your car door and your car. This and your withdrawn coldness that week, after hugging me so tightly, nobody would blame me for trying to say goodbye. You left me SIX TIMES w/o saying goodbye. And you are going to blame me for your behavior? You even lied about being with Diane the night before. And your trying to leave the room, even after I told you I just wanted to say goodbye. You have never said you understood why I sent all those vague emails, trying desparately to get you to contact me about Bob.

You only think of yourself, not the man who loves you terribly. And the pain your unconsious actions caused. Own it. And forget Thursday. I thought I was losing you. And, for the last time in the 10 months you had NOT been showing love, only sending confusing signals that resulted in Thursday. Why can't you see this? YOU compromised my legal safety. I was scared and freaked out all week. But all you think of is how you felt. Wnat about the terror you caused me? Doesn't that count, or are you all that matters?

Forget Thursday. Confusing week. Lots of fear for my legal safety, You lying abuot where you were Wednesday. Bob saying you are his girlfriend. C'mon, I am only human. Let it go. It was a bad week. Can't you understand that and forget about what happened? We were both under a lot of pressure.

The pain I feel every day is enormous. The love I feel for you is so great, my entire existence is being threatened. When I came to you the last time, the alternative was to check in to the hospital. But you never recognize any of that. It is always about you.

AA teaches Selfishness has no part of an AA recovery process? Then you had better go back and work on that. I have never seen anyone be so selfish in my life. You act so wonderful, I fall in love with you deeply. Then, as soon as the love is flowing all around us, you spend 10 months in complete reverse of how you acted, that caused me to love, as I deeply do now.

Your actions were cold and distant. You didn't communicate with me, except in two-three word, confusing sentences. How many times did I write you and say, I don't undersand, please explain. I did that the other day, and you couldn't be bothered to explain. You have ignored me many, many times when I asked for explanations. It adds to my pain. And I suffer. I am scared to open my inbox. I am scared even more when there is an email from you. Is she going to hurt me again with her misunderstanding of everything.

You tell me you are going to see me on the weekend, the first holiday we have not been together in 17 months, except for Ann on Thansgiving. I do not see you and i get no explanation, except for a few brief sentences that are not that clear. You say you are going to call by Wednesday of last week, that doesn't happen and you won't even explain when asked on the text messages, (check your text history), you just ignored me.

I have never been treated so bad, the pain I feel is on the level of the wicked stepmother. And you blithely go on your way, taking care of you, forgeting who loves the ground you walk on. Why would you hurt me so much. I ask myself that everyday.

I cry every day, The new picture you have? I was crying before the picture and I cried in front of the photographer after the shot. The picture you have is filled with the love I have for you, it is expressed in my eyes. Look again at the picture. The photographer said, 'Think about the love you feel for Dina'. That is why my eyes look the way they do in that picture. .

I can be driving along, eating at a restaurant, going to the bank, whatever, and I just break out in tears.

I am crying just writing this.

In a recent email, you say 'cut it out',

I just hurt so terribly and I don't know why.

It is psychosis inducing. I love you so much and I can't get over you.

I gave Lynne my kid's phone numbers in case I don't make it. I did that last night. I am so scared I will never get over you.

I never, in all my years of couple counseling, ever see two people who belonged together more than you and I.

But where are we? Being controlled by the Dinameister.

Everyday the dark cloud of losing you, pervades my life.

Everybody says to forget you. That you are selfish and self-centered and only care about you.

I tell them, "Forget about Dina? Forget about the person I love more than anybody I ever met in my life?

Easy for them to say.

I can't just turn the switch of my love for you off.

It just doesn't happen that way.

I tell them, I will love Dina forever and the tragedy of what happened to us will never leave me.

For 10 long months, I have been missing you and hurting and longing for us to be back together.

It is funny. When you love someone and everybody can see the manifestation of your love, they say it is cute. Aww, see how much Richard loves Dina!. Aren't they a cute couple. They belong together.

But when one of them has a problem, read that 'you', my love for you is not so cute anymore, Now, it is obsessive behavior. Go figure that out.

I love you more than life itself. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than life itself. I love you more than life itself.. I can't say it enough times. YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME. When you are not in my world, which you basically haven't for 10 months, Richard is lost, lonely and confused. This is not me, this is Richard's love of Dina and it comes back again and again. Every day. The pain of losing you is causing me major problems.

That's it.

You do what you want.

I don't own you, I am hardly even your friend thes days.

Oh Dina! What happened to the greatest love affair of my life?

Why? Why? Why? Why can't I forget you and go on with my life? Questions for the ages and the heavens to answer. Because I sure can't.

Marry me and let's be happy for the rest of our lives! There I said it.

Bye.

__________________________


"Do not despair, you are the knight on the horse women dream of, yet when presented with do not know what to do with. We danced for awhile, entwined loving, if only for that that I am a better person for knowing you. For I the mermaid must be off into the deep sea, Neptune calls and is angry that I have been away, he roars into my ears and again I dive deeper in the depths of the deepest ocean the darkest blue, like a night without stars resting my head on the cool seaweed sleeping dreamless sleep, not yet ready to be awakened."

There you go again. schlepping me off to other women again.

Thank god I am doing something about this so there will come the day where I don't open your emails again. You are so cluelessly hurtful. Forgive the little children, for they know not what they do.

The hurt.

The pain.

Will she ever get it?

Probalby not.

They told me in Al-Anon, some alcoholics never get it.

You don't realize how much you are loved. It is not the sting of the scorpion. trying to paralyze it's prey. It is the sting of a clueless woman, whom I fell madly in love with.

The sting of the clueless scorpion, that is what you are. You sting me, (hurt me), over and over again. For you know not who loves you and who you should be with.

You will be with yourself.

Your words above just hurt.

Again, thank god my efforts to do something about a love lost will be paying off pretty soon

Soon...I will be free and you can be alone, or whatever you choose, but it won't be with me because you don't want me.

I know that and I am doing something about it. It is the only thing that is keeping me alive right now.

Without it, I would not be here.

I will be free of you. And you can be happy then.

You can write. You can play tennis. You can golf. You can work. But you won't have me.

_________________________________

Dina wrote me, saying she wanted me to post a blog I told her I would write.

My response:

No, maybe I will post the 11 Rules of Dina. That one will scare the bejesus out of you. But, I probably won't. Afterall, as you say below, you will always be my friend (tears are streaming down my cheeks for the loss of my loved one, now only my friend).

Why don't you just go away and leave me to my pain and suffering?

I can't take this anymore. I just cry and cry over the loss of the one I lvoe so much.

What happened to the girl who said, "You wait and see, I will be there for you.".

Gone, like the wind. Now I, in her place, I have this friend. Oh boy, I am so lucky.

Fall deeply in love to end up with a friend who never sees you. Who writes how wonderful you are, when she is not even in her home because she is afraid you might stop by.

This is all bizarre.

Miss Manners To The Rescue!

My good friend, Lynne, gave me the following Miss Manner's article that was in the May 25th, SF Chronicle newspaper. I beleive it is telling me what to do. You usually do not answer any kind of hard question, but maybe you can have some kindness for my old, Dina-weary self. I am out of ideas and feel conflcted about you and your problems.

Here goes:

If he wants space, better give it to him

Dear Miss Manners: Two months ago, I started a beautiful relationship with a 59-year-old guy. I am 44. We broke up with our current relationhips based on the strong feelings we felt for each other.

After a month of feeling bad for his ex, my new man says he feels we should take a break, but after a few days, he wanted to see me. He hugs me for dear life when he does see me, but when we speak on the phone, he goes back to "let's take a break." I do not understand what's going on. He is talking with the ex, and I do believe him when he says there is no intimacy; they're establishing a better friendship. He was feeling a lot of guilt from their breakup.

The other day (Monday), he was to return my call, and I waited all night. Keep in mind he just lost a friend on Friday or Satudray. I decided to call and let the phone ring over and over. I left two bad messages, but I let it ring over and over.

Well, he finally called back to say this was the last he'll talk to me (He had said that to the ex when she visited me at the job, but now they're talking.) He told me I should've checked my email. I was unaware that hours before, he sent me this message:"Please let it be for now. I ask for solitude at this time. I am OK, but I ask that you not call me. I need to be alone, Thanks."

I felt so bad. I would not have called like that. How do I make up? I sent a reply that I had wanted him to see this important DVD that will help us both. He did not respond. I want to go by his home- should I? Help.

Gentle Reader: Oh dear. This is a lesson you should have learned 30 years ago. You wouldn't have believed your mother when she told you what to do, or rather what not do do, but at least she would have been on hand to dry your tears.

When a romance get to the point where the other person asks to be left alone, talking does not help. Suggesting relationship material does not help. Apologizing for calling does not help. All that makes it worse.

Your only hope is to leave him strictly alone.

Hope? Hope? Did Miss Manners get your attention with the only possibility that interests you?

It is only a a very slim hope. But if anything works to reverse a break-up, it is the emotional realization of what on he has lost. This is what happened to your beau in regard to your predecessor. He dumped her for you, realized she was really gone and went back.
In contrast, you are not gone: You are hanging around, and in a rather irritating manner, Miss Manners has to say. Instead, you should have made yourself totally unavailable at the first indication of his defection, so that his regret focused, instead, on you.
At this point, it is not easy, and no, you can't call him to say you are writing him off and going on with your life. But if you can get out and about, in an apparently relieved and happy state, worrd may get back to him.

Miss Manners promises nothing. But this approach will at least help you recover by giving you back your dignity.

__________________________________________

Well, there you see the litany of mistakes I have made with you. I thought being there for you in your time of need would show you the strength I had for you and us.

I made a fool of myself and lowered myself in my eyes.

I accomplished nothing because you are taking care of Bob now, You are not taking care of me, not in the slightest way.

I am a fool and an idiot. I didn't accomplish anything and I should have listened to what everyone told me. Maybe I would have had the chance I now have lost.

You and I are no more.

What we had is gone.

I saw your picture today on my phone that I took at the Ritz-Carlton.

I thought those were better times.

They weren't.

The problem was already steeping us in to the fact that we should have broken up then.

You tried, by your actions, to tell me you needed a break.

I wasn't listening.

I made a mess of everything, thinking I was doing the right thing by you.

I should have left you when you left me for Bob in August (see Miss Manners article above).

I am a fool and I apologize for my stupidity.

The Way We Are Now

I sent this to Dina this morning. I was going to publish blogs I had written last week, but decided not to because that was then and this is now. I am trying to move forward with what has turned out to be a relationship no more. Got to move on.

"Dina,

I have made progress with the pain and hurt I have felt because of the way our relatinoship ended.

I know my position now. I understand. Based on what you are doing with your holiday weekend, the look on your face and the way you acted when I saw you this week, and all of your emails of late, I got it. You have been broadcasting loud and clear and I was stuck in the past with what we had and have no more.

I know we are not going to get back together. That is okay.

I hope we can be friends, I hope you will talk with me and see me, when you can.

You are playing tennis and golf now. This, in conjunction with what you are saying in your emails, tells me you are trying to make the most of your life at this time. I want to support that effort, in any way you will let me. I want the best for you, irregardless of my feelings about us and what could have been for us.

I am here for you and want nothing but good things to happen for you.

I wish you would let me know how things are going for you, so that I can do what you say I do for you: ground you. I will be sorry if you chose to not include me in your life and goings on.

The pain I have been feeling will no longer be expressed to you. We have to move on and I would rather put my energies into being friends with you, since you don't want me as a lover anymore. I am okay with everything you are doing now and what you have done in the past. I forgive you and myself.

I love you, Dina, and want only the best for you and I will do my part to make things as pleasant as I possibly can between us.

Be my friend.

P.S. Let me know if you want to spend a few hours with me this weekend. There will be no mention of the past or trying to get back together. Let's just have some fun and forget all the past stuff between us and build a friendship. "

There is no sense in trying to pursue a relationship she obvously has no interest in having any part of any longer.

She has moved on, because she wanted to end the relationship for her own reasons. And I have remained stuck, in love, with a situation that is dead.

I have placed personal ads on the internet to find someone else. I have to move on. Dina has given me no choice. And I am.

I will never forget what we had and will try to find something else with another woman that will make me happy. I don't believe at this time Dina could make me happy, even if she wanted to.

Dina and Richard are no more. Hopefully, we can be friends.

That is all there is to say.

A relationship that could have had tremendous potential succumbed to Dina's concerns about her financial security and the fact that I didn't deliver in the timeframe she had in mind.

Okay. Got to move on, irregardless of what I think about her decision.

It is her right to do what she wants with her life and I have to respect that.

I am moving on and hope she will be my friend.

I want to be hers.

___________________________________

Sent this to Dina today after attending Al-Anon meeting at noon and buying the Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book.

Buught Big Book, 4-week 12 Step Program Started

Dina,

When we were happier, I should have gotten more involved with you in your program, like having you walk me through the 12 steps. I regret respecting your privacy now as I am invovled with an old man from Al-Anon who is going to walk me through the 12 Steps for the next four weeks. I would much rather have you tell me the meaning of the 12 Steps. It would have made it more meaningful, but at the time, I didn't know what was about to happen to us.

I have to read pgs 58 -103 and I will try to have that accomplished by today. Funny, the guy's name is Bill, like in Bill W.

I have been going to Al-Anon meetings daily, sometiems twice daily. It is hard for me to accept their philosophy, but I have nowhere else to turn. Nobody else will listen to me about my troubles. So here I am. It is hard because all of the convesaton at these meetings is very depressing. I am not one who handles depression well, especially when it is so close to someone near and dear to my heart; namely you. The two books: Al-Anon Works for Families & Friends of Alcoholics and Courage to Chose have some hard messages to swallow, but I am committed. And when I commit to something, or someone, I see it through to the end goal. And I will with Al-Anon, no matter what I have to do to complete the process. I wished my commitment to you had worked out, but I have to let that go.

And I have.

Hope you are having a good day and I hope to hear from you sometime. I will assume, by your lack of reply to my communication with you this morning, that I won't be a part of your Memorial Day Weekend. That is okay. Have a good time and know I am thinking good thoughts about you.

Love You,

Richard.

Off the Horns, Onto A Lost Cause

I started writing a song for Dina. Here is my first rough draft:

Dina Jane
You drive me insane
I feel so inane
But I am on your train

But where are we going?
There is no engineer
It all seems pretty clear
There is much to fear

I love you dearly
And I am paying dearly
For having known you
All I feel now is blue

What is the price of love
When it can send you above
Then suddenly there is no love
No hand in the glove?

Needs work, but it gets a message across. Because Dina is controlling all contact. Refusing to speak with me because, as she says, 'because of your emails, a phone call is useless. You dance circles around me when I try to open up. This is frustration. I am working and sober. This is important to me'.

So I get a lot of cryptic messages that say I am important to her. Today, she sent the following:

5:02 PM: Upset stomach working hard. Working with sponsor on personal problems.

And:

5:08 PM: Sorry very busy and some stomach ache going on. Very hot this weekend. Use sun screen. Take good care of your lovely self. Try to relax and take a yoga class.

Yeah, take a yoga class to relax from the way our relationship has turned out: no Dina for me, apparently, ever again. I am so sad. I don't know what to do. I wish someone could help me. All they say is to leave her; she has already left me.
It is hard to see through the tears as I write this.
I guess this is what I have to do: leave my lovely Dina because she doesn't want me anymore. What happened here? I don't understand how we went from being so loving to being so broken up. Yes, she needs time, but why does that mean the man she supposedly loves, should go out get somebody new? Oh, help me God, please. The pain is so bad and she doesn't care. I wish the pain would stop.

These nonchalant texts came after two days of not hearing from her, after she tells me she has a problem she is trying to handle. This problem was very concerning to me. I wanted to go down to see her to offer my support. And this is what she sends me, after multiple texts and emails, expressing my concern and worries for her.

I don't get it. I feel like I am in some nightmare world and there is no reason to stay and no reason to go. She may come around, she may not. She may want me in six months...

It just goes on. We had a love affair. Now we have a few texts and emails.

I have put personal ads on Craigslist. I have gotten responses. I have no interest in doing this, but feel, as I look at her total behavior, that I am foolish for standing by her and hoping, against hope, that this woman will want me again. I cry every day and feel pain all day long. I miss the woman I love so much, but I have lost her. What do I do? Do I continue to wait for someone who obviously doesn't want me and is having a personal crisis of some sort, as she says. I want to be wanted by her so bad, but it doesn't appear I will achieve that lofty goal. I just hurt so bad and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight.

Her emails today:

This sounds like a positive direction for you. We both wanted so much from each other. I know so little about good relationship behavior. I am working on this. Did read blog. You write so very well and straight just like being with you.

This was in response to my email about seeing the counselor who told me I should cut her off completely. Not communicate with her again, until she calls and says she wants a relationship and can be stabile.
Well, based on what she is saying in her email above, I guess that means I ought to hit the road, doesn't it? Looks pretty clear to me. I am waiting around for nothing. This is a positive direction for me and we both wanted so much from each other. Now it is all lost. That is what she is saying to me.

The second email from Dina:

I would not do that
but I can see where you would think that
the mind is working but your blog helped me today

This is in reply to my email asking how she is doing. I wrote this because she lets me know there is a serious problem she has and she is trying to rid of it. I say in the email to please don't leave me hanging and communicate with me. She says she would not do that. That is exactly what she is doing. And the little bit of communication I get is just that: a little bit, nothing I can make anything out of, except to hit the road.

I am lossed. I guess I should just start pursuing other female interests. She thinks I should. Who am I to argue with the person I feel all these affections for? She doesn't want me. Okay.

On The Horns Of A Dilemma

Yesterday, I traveled to Marin for a counseling session by a doctor who provides a non-profit program for young men. I met with him to help provide funding for his young men's group. He also provides counseling for people who get involved in his Life 101 program.

The counseling session focused on my taking back who I am and cutting Dina off: no contact whatsoever. It was suggested I write to her saying, if Dina wants to come back to me and provide a stabile, positive, loving relationship, I would discuss this with her. Until, if and when, she comes to me offering a real relationship, I am to stop all communication. Not to read her emails, texts, etc. The concept was to give my manhood back to me.

Ahh, the horns of a dilemma. To be stuck on said horns. I have been there for Dina all these nine months as her behavior fluctuated from one extreme to the other: sometimes with me, sometimes going off into her private little hell and clamming up.
But this is what I do when I am in love. I stand by my woman, even when she is trying, against all common sense, to leave me, as in this case. Now, the jury has made their decision: to a person, everyone who has spoken with me, friends, family, strangers, counselors, etc., has said to leave her. If she comes back, she comes back. Otherwise, they all say I am losing nothing; I have already lost her. She has been trying to leave me since August of last year. They all think I should just let go.

I love her and want the best for her. When I was young, and having a lot of adjustment problems in life, I wish I had someone to stand by me in my time of need. Nobody helped me. Since I was able to straighten my life out, I have been there for anyone I cared about. And that includes Dina. Sometimes, being there in exteme situations where anybody, including Dina, can see I am reaching out to be there for her. can make all the difference in a cared one's life. That means I go to the wall in providing my support. It worked for me when I was there for myself and nobody else was, and it has worked for others I have cared about since then. Because they knew, no matter what, I would be there for them.

Do I leave Dina in her time of need? Beause now she is doing something, she admitted to yesterday, that is harming her and her future. She may not make her goals with the comprimised situation she has now put herself in. I feel I should be there for her. But do I listen to the 100% of everyone's opinions, or do I do what I usually do: do what I believe in and stand by her and be the person she can count on to help her. I lean towards what I have done all my life. Maybe it is wrong, but I feel strongly for Dina's situation and want so much to be the one person who stands by her, through thick and thin.

Ahh, to be stuck on the horns of a dilemma, but knowing I should be who I have always been and be there for her.
_______________________________________

This is part of the email just sent to Dina. Names and places have been removed to protect the innocent.

Dina,

The doctor I have been helping is issuing a newsletter Monday to 1100 of his supporters of his program to help young men build character. The newsletter will be all about me and providing the telecom analysis as a fund raising for his endeavors.

Yesterday, we spoke at length and he suggested I engage his counseling service and pay him $165 to speak about my relationship problem.

I took him up on his offer and went to see him. The email I sent you about your current situation was composed while I drove back from meeting with him.

He said I should take my manhood back. Cut you off completely, and if and when you decide I am worth something to you. This has to be something completely the opposite to the disastrous relationship you have delivered over the past nine months. He said I should not communicate with you: don't read your texts or your emails. If you come back and say you want me and want to be with me, I should discuss this with you. He said I should tell you what I want in a relationship and see if you can agree to give me a stabile, loving relationship without a lot of kookiness in it.

You can read my thoughts on my new blog entry: On The Horns Of A Dilemma.
Let me know if you guessed the direction I decided to go after you read it. I would be interested in seeing if you could figure out what I would do in this regard.

A New Wrinkle In The Cream

I sent this yesterday. There is a compromising situatoion going on. I am very concerned, but as usual, Dina is steering her ship. I am on the outside and cannot go to see her. This can't continue. If not for her, at least for me. I will not be able to maintain knowing she now has another problem, more serious, happening to her. So, for now, I am involved. Depending on how she replies, will decide if I stay engaged.


________________________________________


Dina,

As usual, I should have taken more time to formulate a response

To your admission on Tuesday, May 12, 2009 12:24 PM

I wish I could be with you, but this will have to do

I recorded this in Marin, coming back from San Rafael (more on that another time)

It was sunny and a beautiful ride. So, here goes:

Look at you:

Successful woman, You who saved up the nest egg that you have

Drives the car you that you have

Lives where she wants to live and the fashion that she lives in

You are successful

There is no reason why you are doing anything that is damaging to yourself right now

If you weren't the best,

If you didn't have all these things going for you that you have going on right now

At this time of your life

Then I would understand

But you better give value to what you have going on...beause you won't have it long if you don't value it

And the way you value it is to take care of yourself, on all levels

You don't take of your self by doing things that are bad for you. So you stop doing those things and do things that are good for you

Because you value what you have: what opportunities you are about to come into and new ways of living you have available to you

You are an AKMF. And don't you forget that

Now, kick some ass and fly straight, Bucko. Do what you need to do to take of your present and future and don't mess it up!

That is all I have to say. I hope you allow this to come into your mind and affect you

The Beauties of Dina

Dina

With the wit and intelligence

With the discerning eye

With the love of a lifetime

With so many amazing abilities

The way she makes a simple decoration outstanding

Sort through the jumble and make sense of it all

With her, humor abounds

Her loving ways so amazing and fulfilling

Her ability to make one smile

Her giving attitude

She is nothing short of miraculous

I have never met anyone with all of the gifts,

Abilities, love and kindness I found in Dina

And I probably won't find again in one human being

Maybe in 5 or 10 people I could find what Dina

Has in one package