Sometimes It Is The Little Things That Can Mess You Up

What do you got to do when lightening strikes you?

What do you got to do when you're hurt?

What do you say when it's all over

When sorry seems to be the hardest word.

I feel I made a mistake today.

I told Dina I didn't want to communicate with her anymore.

I started the communication saying, "Sometimes it is the little things that make all the difference."

I followed that remark with, "I have decided to not be in communication with you.

If and when you have value for me, give me a call. Until then..." and then signoff.

She opened up to me today.

So many communications between us,

It really made me happy when I told her she may not want to read what I wrote

She sent a reply that described the difficulties she experienced earlier in life.

This was because of this poem I wrote her:

A Love Like None Other

A love so fine
If it could only be mine
I grew to love her
It didn't matter where we were
The pleasure was way up high
To gaze into her eyes,
she was so shy
But the beauty was deep
To gaze upon her asleep
Was to see everything
I could ever want

She wrote this in reply to my being hurt:

"I do understand, believe me.
I too hurt and feel raw.
Good to have work to distract
And walk to clear head.
Alone, no one
the shadows are dark
the night is long
Alone with my thoughts
And living the drama of my mind
Tender emotions
Afraid of the light
Not allowed to breathe
To grow to be nurtured
New painful feelings
Not meant to be hid
But shared with this world,
To be loved is the greatest feeling
To have loved as best I can,
And yet wonder why can I revisit in my dreams"

and, finally this,

"So many good qualities of you shine through:
Sterling
Honorable knight in shining armor
Deep, deep, deep
Like dark blue water
Cool deep dangerous
But delicious indulgence
A chance to survive
A place to hide in this ugly world"

I feel that I just didn't understand she was starting to communicate.

I told her in the beginning she was a flower, waiting to bloom

And now she is blooming

And I cut her off

What a clod,

What a dolt

I am not sure, but I may be only one of a very few

She has to communicate with

And I shut her off tonight.

Nine long months of going through every imaginable kind of pain with her, from her.

Now, when she starts to open up I cut her off.

Tears running down my cheeks

Tissues by my side to wipe the pain

From my eyes.

I don't know how to make it better.

She taught me so many things I had forgotten:

How to be patient when I felt emotional
How to tuck my legs up to my chest to relieve tightness in my body
How to give long, slow kisses that meant so much
How to stretch my body in the prayer position
How to be understanding with her when she was in pain
And I didn't need to talk, just lie there with her and hold her
How to take it slowly when I was bouncing off the ceiling emotionally
How to save when I felt like spending
How to be slow when I always was going so fast
How to take a breath when I was harassed
She gave me so much enjoyment
She made the night day for me
I felt like I like had entered fairy tale land
And she was the princess
I wanted to be her prince

But what I did today may be unretrievable

She may crawl back inside her world and never come back out

She can be like that

What am I gonna do when Dina strikes me?

Now it is what is she gonna do when I strike her

...like I did in such an insensitive way tonight

I am only human

I am not perfect

I only love her more than life itself and now,

What have I done?

I don't think Elton can help me

Now she can say,

Don't go breaking my heart

When I'm sixty years of age

When the ragged dog they gave me

Has been ten years in the grave

When sorry seems to be the hardest word

Goodbye norma jean

Though I never knew you at all

You had the grace to hold yourself

While those around you crawled

This is how I feel about Dina,

All I have to say is:

What do I got to do to make you love me

What do I got to do to make you care

What do I do when lightning strikes me

And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me

What do I got to do to be heard

What do I say when it's all over

And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad It's a sad, sad situation

and,

You're not a ship to carry my life

You are nailed to my love in many lonely nights

I've strayed from the cottages and found myself here

For I need your love your love protects my fears

And I wonder sometimes and I know I'm unkind

But I need you to turn to when I act so blind

And I need you to turn to when I lose control

You're my guardian angel who keeps out the cold

Did you paint your smile on, well I said I knew

That my reason for living was for loving you

We're related in feeling but you're high above

You're pure and you're gentle with the grace of a dove



I sing these songs because I believe in the words

And right now these songs so fit the sadness I feel

What did I do tonight?

How do I change the way I made her feel when I wrote the last note?

Sometimes you can't change what you do

Maybe this is one of those times....